my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
