this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
