We're like a lot better than the average bears
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
