I think my fart just growled at me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
