i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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