Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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