Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
