we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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