you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
