What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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