fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize