STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm really into asian looking animals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
