Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
