FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
