Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
