i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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