Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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