I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
