Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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