we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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