Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
