I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
