Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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