I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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