Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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