I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
