I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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