I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
