I smell stomach acid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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