she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
