Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
barbara walters just said penis...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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