The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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