Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
