Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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