NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
