Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
