i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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