my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
