god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
More tranny stories later!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
