Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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