Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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