facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
