3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
