You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
