That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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