I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sext me about skeletons
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
