I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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