You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
