Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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