i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
