After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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