Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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