there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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