By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
