Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
