he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
