The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
