if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
