Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
