I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
