Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
