They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
