ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
