Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
