I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
