The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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