Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize