I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
