this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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