I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
